There was obviously a miscommunication over the phone between your wife and the shop. Your wife saw a "oil pressure warning light", which is an emergency situation that requires the engine to immediately be turned off to avoid damage.
When she texted(?) the dealer, they thought she was talking about an "oil change is due" light.
Regardless of what she said that they said over the phone, no judge or jury is going to hold the dealership solely responsible for any damage that may have occurred to your vehicle, as the driver of the vehicle had the duty to limit/mitigate damage when they saw the warning light(s) and heard noises--even though the initial cause of the problem was an improperly installed oil filter.
I've seen cases like this from quick-lube places where oil wasn't put back into the car, or a drain plug wasn't tightened, or what-have-you. If it goes to mediation or court, this will be a shared responsibility issue. Just throwing that out there to help guide OP's decision-making in regards to this issue.
Hopefully the van is fine.
2018 Touring L Plus | Copper Pearl | S Pkg
Advanced Safety Tec / Hands-Free Doors / Towing / Keysense